Posted on January 11, 2016
I’ve experienced, witnessed, heard, felt, that the most common fear we have as human beings is to be alone. To have an experience and feel unseen, unheard, unsupported. The irony is that sometimes that very fear, of being alone, becomes more powerful, more real, than the initial need beneath it. We are afraid to be vulnerable, to share our truth, to actually be seen because the pain of potential judgment feels too great to bear. So we remain closed – we don’t say what we mean or how we truly feel and we get on with it, looking for solutions in other forms, some of which work temporarily and some which backfire. But all the while, the original need goes unseen.
It strikes me that we don’t in fact need solutions because sometimes things cannot be changed – at least not immediately. What we need is someone to listen, to hold the space for our truth with kindness, and most importantly, to have enough courage and self-love to voice our truth and ask for the support we needed in the first place. If we are unwilling to put ourselves out on that limb, to be vulnerable, we are depriving ourselves the opportunity to receive what we are yearning for – connection. Without speaking up, we don’t give others the opportunity to listen with compassion, to resonate with empathy, to also feel connected and less alone. Ultimately yes, we need to discover this within ourselves but to say we don’t need each other is a fallacy. We are interconnected beings who need connection, relatedness, communication and mutual exchange. We don’t have to go it alone but if we don’t reach out, we inevitably will.
So maybe we can look less at trying to resolve problems by finding solutions and instead reach out for the support that would make what seemed like a problem, irrelavent. I have learned that once the feeling of support is embodied – whatever form that takes for you – the problem, the challenge, the struggle that once exhisted, suddenly looks different.