Posted on January 11, 2016
I’m recongizing that the reason why most of us don’t follow our dreams is because it can be terrifying to do so. As Adrian and I follow ours, on the outside it looks like one great adventure, but I want to share the process of what it’s really like.
On one hand, yes it is very exciting. It certainly requires a spirit for adventure, the willingness to take a risk, to step into the unknown with complete and utter faith in your vision and how it would feel for that vision to manifest. AND it is scary, it is stressful, it is filled with uncertainty, questioning and “logistics”. It is not an easy path – sometimes it takes tremendous effort and great discomfort as we step out of what we know, what is comfortable, leaving behind the things that have been good, that have supported us thus far. And yet you do it because that vision is so strong, it feels so good, right, necessary. It pulls you, giving you no other choice than to put your shoes on and climb the damn mountain! Sometimes it feels so unstable, so unknown that it would be easier to just stay curled up in the knowing – but ultimately I know I would not rest, I would not stop hearing that voice that says “GO – do it!”
In the middle of the night last night I cried. I cried over the transition that is to come. I cried over the things that will feel foreign to me in the midst of it. I cried over the uncertainty of it all and the immense strength, bravery, surrender and trust I will have to embody along the way – to not only be a rock for myself but for my daughter and my husband. Sometimes that feels all too big to hold within my small body that feels so much.
But you breathe, you continue, step by step. And you see little things, like my daughter playing in the planter box full of dirt in our beautiful back garden, which reminded me of our vision: to live more amidst nature, connected to the earth, where Indigo can run bear foot and bear bodied if she so chooses, dancing in the sun, whispering with the wind through the trees.
And it is those moments, that remind you of why you are putting yourself through this shit, that keeps you going!