Updated on January 11, 2016
Have you ever been on a date and wished you could be more present and authentic?
The process of dating isn’t always the easiest. Women and men alike often find themselves questioning whether they are “doing it right”. It can be challenging to listen to our intuition, speak our truth and be open to what is up for the other person. It’s easy to get lost in doubt, guessing what the other is feeling and abandoning our own needs in the process. We cannot know what the other person thinks or feels but we can be more present within our own experience and use our intuition as our guide.
Many people get caught up in the “dating game” all the while trying to find out what the rules are and perhaps finding that sometimes the game just seems unfair. But what would it be like if we dropped the façade, who we think we should be to be liked and accepted and wore our own skin as our favourite outfit? Is it enough to just be you?
The answer is of course, yes. When we live from our authentic self we exude a different kind of energy, which makes us feel better about ourselves, and which silently inspires others to be themselves as well. There is a comfort, ease and a lack of pretention because being who we truly are and feeling ok with that is the most peaceful and magnetic place we can be.
So how can we use our authenticity to ease the pains of dating? When we become in tune with our body and our feelings we begin to learn the language of our intuition. We can feel, sense and have a greater understanding whether the people we meet, the choices we make, the things we do, are in alignment with who we are. When we work on cultivating trust with ourselves, communicating, listening and acting upon what our truth is telling us, answering the question of whether that person is right or wrong for us, becomes very clear. It isn’t about judgment, it’s about being so clear and comfortable with who you are that you just know if that person is resonating on the same level as you.
Sometimes though, it’s easy to lose our sense of Self and fall into trying to be someone who we are not. We try to act the “right” way to lessen the fear of rejection and soothe our need for validation and acceptance. What brings us back to our authenticity is drawing our attention back into our body, tuning in and being in the experience rather than guessing the outcome.
Once we have established this trust and clear communication with ourselves, speaking from a place of authenticity becomes natural. Our awareness is no longer outside of ourselves reaching to detect what the other person thinks about us, we are in the experience fully because whatever arises and comes out of us is coming from a place that does not believe in shame.
Even when we feel nervous, have the jitters in our bones and butterflies in our stomach, it’s ok because that is what is true for us now. It is part of being human. Our greatest longing is to feel connected, to be loved unconditionally and to love as if we’d never been hurt. But the only way to truly experience that longing is by opening up to being who we naturally are.
So dating consciously isn’t so much about knowing how to play the game correctly, it’s about knowing how to let your true self come through and accepting that who you are is more than good enough.