“In a nutshell, a breakup is nothing short of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have a complete spiritual awakening. One that catapults you to a whole new level of authenticity, compassion, wisdom, depth, and—dare I say it?—even joy.”
~ Katherine Woodward Thomas
Conscious Uncoupling – Peaceful Breakup, Separation, Divorce
Most separations are fraught with drama, pain, anger, resentment and conflict. After spending years, sometimes decades, with someone that was once your friend, lover and partner, it can be very upsetting when you find yourselves more as enemies than foes.
It takes an incredible amount of consciousness to separate with love. It seems easier to go into the hurt, become hard and defensive and then move into blame and shame. And I get it, there is pain in breaking up. Whether it was mutual or one-sided, pain is an inevitable part of the process. And that is often the crux of why breakups can get so ugly: our unconscious pain turns to anger.
Unconscious Pain Turns To Anger
Breakups, and most especially divorces, can get really nasty because everything that we swept under the rug in our relationship comes bursting to the surface. All of our resentment, unspoken pain, the things we brushed over and gulped down, start emerging. They come up to be healed but without a loving, conscious container to hold it all, the space between you two becomes a battle ground.
In a big way, it’s why going into a relationship consciously and maintaining a daily practice of self-reflection, awareness and conscious communication, is so important. If we create a foundation based on loving awareness, we don’t have to destroy the house in the process of separating. What is created in love, can be held in love and from that space, everything is possible.
We don’t need to replicate our trauma and wounding. We can heal and evolve even as we separate. What that requires however, is that we show up consciously, humbly and kindly. Seeing the separation as an opportunity for growth vs a failure and therefore, giving reason to lash out all of our unmet needs and disowned pain on our future ex.
With awareness and love as the container, we reach new levels of honesty, authenticity and unconditional love. In this way, breakups can lead to huge spiritual awakenings, growth and expansion.
Breakup As A Spiritual Teacher
As I said earlier, it may seem easier to go to a place of anger and blame, but ultimately we’re hurting ourselves in the process because nobody deep down likes conflict. Even if we feel righteous and justified, hatred never feels good. It flippin’ hurts, actually!
Conscious Uncoupling can be seen as a spiritual teaching of sorts. In fact, all relationships and their breakups can be viewed from that lens. From that perspective, there is no failure, there are no bad relationships because if the intention is to learn more about ourselves, heal and grow, well then there is no loss or failure. There is only more opportunity to evolve.
Breakup As An Act Of Unconditional Love
True love says, “I love you and I let you go. I let you free so that you can be in your fullest potential. I love you, no matter what.”
When we wish well for our soon-to-be ex, we wish well even for ourselves. We honour the time we shared together, we take the gifts and we evolve them forwards into our future relationships. There is no beginning or end then, only the continuing and deepening of our relationship with love.
Relationships will teach us a hell of a lot about our relationship to love; both within ourselves and in relation to another. It will inevitably bring up your shit to be seen, held and healed through your loving attention. Breaking up is no different. The transition is ripe with opportunity to step into our full potential, empowerment, authenticity and worth. If we approach breakups consciously, we receive the gift of learning what true unconditional love really is. I love you and wish you well shows us just how generous our love can be and how the love between us doesn’t have to die, but just takes on a new shape, instead.
How I Can Help You Consciously Uncouple
I’m here to create that container of love for your both and to teach you in the process, how to create that container yourselves. I create a safe space where you both can share vulnerably and authentically. Where you can feel seen, heard and understood without needing to become defensive or protective.
I’m here to reflect back the gifts you can reap from your time spent together, as well as shine light on what still needs healing in order for you both to fully let go of each other with peace and acceptance.
The process takes time and might at some point require time alone, without contact, to really settle into the teachings that are revealing themselves to you as you separate.
The process however, can begin even while you are in the deciding phase and still living together. It can carry throughout the process of letting each other go, and be a place to check-in when you feel you have both arrived to the place of friendship and moving onto the next phase of your lives.
There’s no right or wrong way to do this, only conscious or unconscious. Loving, or unloving.