“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.”
~ James Baldwin
A lot of what makes a healthy relationship is two healthy individuals, and finding the middle ground (coming to the table, as I call it). The middle ground is where the needs of both individuals and the relationship as the Third Entity can be taken care of. (please click here for more information on the Third Entity).
Being in a balanced, authentic relationship takes work. This work does not have to be arduous by any means, but it does take effort and awareness to create the relationship we really want. It also takes self-responsibility and a lot of patience. We have to become humble in our approach.
We may find ourselves within the same unhealthy pattern in our relationship because often our unmet needs get triggered which cause us to react, defend and block any possibility of resolving an issue through clear, present, calm communication. When we are triggered we become defensive because ultimately we are in survival mode. When we are in survival mode we lose perspective and our ability to be present and see things with a greater sense of objectivity – or at the very least, to see both sides of the picture. We instead fall into a dynamic of arguing, blaming and defending our corner, so to speak. We can really get stuck in this cycle, never truly feeling heard or seen by the other peson and resenting our partner more and more for it.
The process of being in an authentic relationship is firstly about looking at what are all of the things within ourselves, that need our attention. That need healing and looking after. We need to first connect to our true self to better understand what scares us, what triggers us as well as what we really need and how to communicate those needs so they can be heard by our partner. We have to first know how to take care of ourselves, to feel whole within ourselves so that we don’t place the unnecessary expectation that our partner should “fix” us, “complete” us, “save” us or “validate” us.
Relationships always have their challenges. I often say the work often begins once we are in a relationship, not just when we are looking for one. But relationships always provide us with an amazing opportunity to grow, to heal, to discover and learn more about ourselves if we are willing enough to do so – to take on the challenge. No relationship is ever a mistake. There is always something to be learned, some way to grow and evolve so that even if that particular relationship comes to a close, we can better refine who we are and what we need and want from the next relationship. And more importantly, who we want to be in that relationship.
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
~ Carl Jung
My role is to offer a neutral and objective reflection for what is happening between you both. I am here to help you understand what is happening on a deeper level, both as individuals and as a couple. It is often easier to see the dynamics from the outside when we aren’t emotionally invested or caught up the same way we are within our relationship. I can help you see and understand why you are stuck in certain patterns, how to shift them and get you to a place where you can both feel seen, heard, respected, valued and significant in the relationship. It does take the effort and willingness from all parties as it is a collaboration between the three of us. I’m here to listen and help guide you back to what first drew you to your partner as well as how you can both evolve from this point forward.
“Corinne was the perfect guide and mirror to help us navigate the core issues that were holding us back in deepening our relationship. Our time with her was simply invaluable!”
Cara, San Francisco California